Feelings vent. (has nothing to do with hypno/tulpa or anything else so you can ignore this)

Really feeling like shit right now.

I recieved several messages today from anons telling me to kill myself, then my mom busts into my room sounding like she’s going to cry telling me I spend so much time online and hiding from her and how I don’t love her and all this bullshit. Then she tells me I need to stop wasting my life on the fucking internet.

Well, guess what, mom? The seven people I normally hang out with are..

*In Ohio

*Her family doesn’t know / like me

*Her mom doesn’t approve of me dating her so we’re forbidden to hang out until we figure out a way to either hang out anyway or explain things to her mom

*Mom doesn’t know him, plus she doesn’t know I’m a lesbian so ‘OH MY GOD ARE YOU DATING HIM DON’T HAVE SEX BIG FUCKING BULLSHIT SPEECH I DON’T NEED TO HEAR AGAIN’

*Best friend? Oh, yeah, SHE’S IN NEW FUCKING MEXICO AND IT’S BEEN OVER THREE YEARS AND WE’RE BOTH STARTING TO DOUBT IF WE’LL EVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN!!!

*Not sure what the other two are doing but it’s too fucking late now to do anything with them anyway

Tomorrow I have to do like three hours worth of homework and then clean my entire room, find the two house keys I’ve lost and clean the fucking bathroom so I can’t ‘get a fucking life’ tomorrow!

Then by Sunday I’m going to be emotionally and physically exhausted so do you really think I’m going to have the ability or desire to get up and DO ANYTHING? 

I honestly want to curl up into a ball and just… die.

I also want to get high, but my sister’s probably busy (even if she’s not I wouldn’t be able to sneak out) and the only two other people I could get high with are listed above (the girlfriend who’s mom hates me and the guy my mom doesn’t know.). So I’m probably going to sit here, browse my dashboard and cry like I always do when my family causes my depression and then wonders why I hate my fucking life.